Hopefully, I am almost done with all the panic attack and crap I have been going through for about a month now. I tend to take on way too much and I know that I am often viewed as the person who is always in control, in charge, the go to person when you don't know how or want to deal with something. That's me. When people begin to depend and view you like that and you suddenly can't be so strong and it doesn't go away in a few days, they get scared, or pissed, confused and sometimes they can't handle it and they walk away. These are times, when it's wonderful to have friends you can break down and say, "Hey I'm not handling things so well right now." and they are like "What can I do to help with the load." I have MANY friends that will do that for me. In a bizarre way, I guess the only silver lining to have had to go through so much is to know...I have many good friends. I am glad for that and I don't take a single one of you for granted.

I am usually very strong but occasionally, since the health issues with my defibrillator, once or twice a year I go through a hell of a time. This time lasted about a month actually. I am beginning to feel like the weight is being lifted from my chest and I feel like soon I will be okay again. I wish it hadn't lasted so long this time, but there isn't much I can do but get drugged and I more often than not choose to NOT do that.

I have a friend that has cancer and today was their first visit with the new doctor to find out the options for treatment and a biopsy was sent to the lab today as well. I was very happy to be able to be pulled together enough to be able to be there for my friend. A friend who has handled my panic attacks very well over the years.