About a year ago I weighed 42 pounds less than I do now. I went through a divorce, and a couple of surgeries and began dating a nice guy named Dan. A combination of having been on a diet (Weight Wathers 23 or less points a day depending on what my weight was at the time) consisting of about 900 calories. Not much. No wonder I was able to lose 50 pounds in just 7 months or so. It showed alot in my face but it came off of course all around. I got quite a few compliments too. I threw out all my really huge clothes which must have been worn a few pounds heavier than when I started the WW program. One of the reasons I think I might have started WW was due to my lack of self esteem. I had a husband that liked to let me know that I pretty much grossed him out and was no longer worthy. He told me that the reason he viewed porn on the internet day in and day out was because I had packed on pound after pound after pound. I decided I didn't want to be disgusting any more. Not for his sake or any other man for that matter actually...just for me. I was tired of being that fat.
I kinda let up a little on the diet during two different MINOR surgeries that I had during that time and during that time removed the person that thought so little of me from the household. I suddenly had WAY less stress in my life. I kinda kicked back and began enjoying myself. One social event after another, now that no one was around to ask me when "exactly" I was going to be home and make me feel bad that I had a life outside the house. I also began dating a man who LOVES to eat. Every outing with him is an event and occasion to celebrate with food. :) Lots and lots of fun but MAN it wrecks hell with a diet. Now since my body had become adjusted to eating about 600-900 calories a day....when I began to eat even 1500 (what would have been a normal amount or there abouts) I packed the weight on as quick as you can imagine.
I have restarted this diet just about every single week for the past year. I can't seem to stick to it for more than a few days. I am happy with my life and apparently hitting rock bottom and being so down on myself and disgusted with myself really helped to motivate me the first time around.
I am currently grasping at straws I think. Attempting to find something that will motivate me into losing it. I know there are a million health reasons that I need to do it. I don't want to wait until I have a heart attack or stroke to have my health motivate me. Right now I am up to a whopping 206! At only 5 ft tall what a porkprincess. I look more like a weeble right now than a person. Going to Dayton and walking around all day long is going to be tough carrying around all this weight. It will feel like Ive got a huge back pack on. I just need to get myself into a routine and stay with it.
I think that I am going to keep my food diary as I have including any indiscretions I might have and post them here as well. I wasn't paying a bit of attention to the calories and just going with the points which worked but it was amazing recently when I started paying attention to it....I was consuming a very very very low number of calories a day. Of course my body after about 7 months of that thought I was starving to death and just wasn't very efficient at burning calories.
I now have a recumbent bike that I should be riding each and every chance I get...and if I can't get that done there is NO excuse for me not to get out and walk every day. I really need to get myself motivated!!! I will begin to post each day and see if accountability helps. Of course when you go to WW classes (13 bucks a week and about an hour and a half a week of your time, being in front of everyone, even though noone see's what you weigh and or how much you have or haven't lost...my competive nature made me want to be one that lost 5 or more pounds as often as I could so that I felt I was accomplishing something. I DON'T want to go back. For two reasons, I don't want to pay for what I KNOW I could do myself if I could just find my nitch...and also because hell I gained the weight back and I'll be darned if I'm going to put myself on display for it. I guess I'm a little to vain for that. I know its wrong and unhealthy but I so wish I was 6 weeks out of stomach surgery right now and doing okay with it.
By the way....here is me...now big and fat. Arms sticking out at my sides and looking generally nasty.
Here is me a year ago....yeah I got my hair cut and it's not straightened today...but here I am. What a difference a year made.
How depressing.
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